How I Feel – Schizoaffective Disorder

Everyday I wait for the Army of Darkness to rise,
Don’t need an Alarm because the voices set out to rape me,
Grab me, torture me, constant ring over my right shoulder,
If I had a revolver, I would cock it, make 1 wish,
Grab the mother of my future daughter, kiss them both,
Tell them it wasn’t anyone’s fault,

Blame these hallucinations, fucking dirty ass girl,
Climbs out of a South African well,
Could of swore she’s from The Ring,
Called her cousin, Stephen King you’re an asshole,
Now It follows me, grabs a knife,
Smiles, waves, and creeps,
Stands in the corner of every cafe,
Sits in empty chairs,
Enemies everywhere,
Trying to poison my drink,

This medication takes too long,
Can’t stop my mind from drowning,
If anything the doctor is to blame for my drowning,
Call it murder by a misunderstood illness,
Medication has me walking, thinking, lack of thought,
Got me zombified,
Lack of intellectual dreaming,

Every time I fight back,
Authorities call parental guidance,
Spousal abuse I swear,
Got me calling myself a monster,
A misunderstood creature,
Monster from the deep lagoon,

If I had more choices,
Thank God for the scenery,
It isn’t anything but dreary,
Wishing that others would understand me,
Not just be spectators laughing at my pain,

Ask what is wrong without judging,
All the voices in my head,
Wish they were silenced,
Grab a revolver,
Forcibly silencing them,
It is the only way,
Pop, Pop, Pop,

Hospitalization & Surprise (VLOG11)

How can I relate to what my spouse is going through? How can I be supportive and understanding?

Many partners struggle to understand what their ill loved one deals with every day, so that they can better support and understand them. One of the best things to do is find out as much as you can about schizophrenia as an illness. Check out recommended books and/or other media, visit a local mental health center or hospital, find a support group, and talk to others with first-hand experience. Arming yourself with information about how a person with schizophrenia relates to their world can make it easier for you to interact with and understand them.

Due to the symptoms of the illness itself, medication side-effects, frequent hospitalizations, or a host of other things (both physical and emotional), your partner’s moods and reactions may change rapidly; they may reject or seem to not appreciate your efforts to help. This is always painful and difficult to deal with; however, it can help to recognize that many components of the illness contribute to this behavior, rather than a character flaw or unloving ambivalence in your partner.

Story of a Hoe

She’s not afraid to drop it low,
Because she believes,
‘I’m not a hoe’,

Drops it low,
Makes all the guys and lezbo girls,
Look her way,
They can’t look away.

She’s got thick thighs,
Guys pretend they are greasy KFC thighs,
Fat ass perfect to smack,
Licks her lips,

Don’t know whether she prefers eating out every girl’s landing spot,
Or prefer to ride every cute guy,
While they sit back and grab onto her hips,
Come and get it…

Most girls label her a bitch.
Who can judge her,
Nobody can say they are God,

Religious people call her a child of God,
Made in God’s image,
So does that mean God has a tight pussy,
Wetter than Niagara Falls,

Not sure what is worse,
If a girl can’t hold her man close,
Or if every married man can’t reject her,

Able to play with their dick in her hands,
If she can touch it,
Why should she not lick it…

It is true,
She enjoys dressing as if she’s constantly fucking,
For those who say she’s prostituting,

Your angry because she can give your man a lap dance,
And he’ll want to kiss her ass like a good dog,
If she commands for him to take her panties off,
He’ll eat her ass after she finishes working out,

Sweaty ass doesn’t bother him,
As long as she sits on his face,
Doesn’t matter if he’s got a ring,
She’ll sell it at the local pawn shop…

All of her life,
She’s been a target of attraction,
Now she’s an animal,
Not afraid of titty fucking or Anal,

White dick or black dick,
It is all the same,
Either way she’ll need to finish,
Using the toy she’s got,
Sitting on her night stand,

No joke,
Maybe she’ll get Oprah to eat her pussy out,
Since Oprah enjoys the Color purple…

Indo-American Lady

All-American woman,
Mentality of a Southern Lady,
Attitude of a Northerner,
Skin complexion of a mixed breed,
Not afraid of loading a 9-Gage,
Unloading truth on ignorant fools,

May have an accent but wild like a Stallion,
Sees the world through the vision of an outlaw,
Understands justice as being the price to pay,
Worships God on a daily basis,
Prays five times a day,

Wears clothes meant for a Queen,
Strapped in case she gets in a gun fight,
Born to be wild,
Wild Wild West child,

All-American woman,
Mentality of a Southern Lady,
Attitude of a Northerner,
Skin complexion of a mixed breed,
Not afraid of loading a 9-Gage,
Unloading truth on ignorant fools,

Hands of a Goddess,
Body matching Cleopatra,
Able to drop it low but rather not be a hoe,
Covers her body,
Only giving her husband the privilege,
Of seeing her without clothes,

Loves giving and receiving,
Prefers to be the one in control,
Commands obedience but enjoys being pleased,
Every night plays a different role,
Unmatched creativity,

All-American woman,
Mentality of a Southern Lady,
Attitude of a Northerner,
Skin complexion of a mixed breed,
Not afraid of loading a 9-Gage,
Unloading truth on ignorant fools,

Schizophrenia & Employment (VLOG10)

The severity of symptoms and the ability to control them with anti-psychotic medication and behavioral therapy varies widely from schizophrenic to the next. Obviously, when symptoms of schizophrenia are severe, it can cause a great deal of difficulty adapting to any kind of work environment.

Talking About Life

Waking up everyday, to the sound of music,
Rest in Peace, oh Lord, let me shine or die,
Attempt greatness, or death, art via suicide,

Have you tried carrying the sun,
Running while your ass is on fire,
Hatred swinging a machete in one hand,
Carrying the swastika in the other,
Worshiping Burning crosses,
Murdering Black folk,
Liberals just as fucked up,
Love for ancient symbols,
From the Indian subcontinent,
East Asian ancestors,
Spiritual principles,

Waking up everyday, to the sound of music,
Rest in Peace, oh Lord, let me shine or die,
Attempt greatness, or death, art via suicide,

In need of a fresh start,
Not sure if it is just this life,
If my heart is afraid of reflecting on my own life,
Quick to complain even though other people’s lives,
Have placed a trademark on blow-jobs in red-light districts,
It could be worse,
Slowly dying from AIDS,
Busy passing venereal diseases,
Once my head starts thanking God,
My life doesn’t seem so bad,

Waking up everyday, to the sound of music,
Rest in Peace, oh Lord, let me shine or die,
Attempt greatness, or death, art via suicide,

Promised me a God-fearing woman,
Granted me several wishes,
One of them an Old Lady with a heart of Gold,
Together we light the spark,
Which causes California Forest Fires,
Now it is too late,
What else is there to do,
You” find us kissing each other’s scars,
Embarrassing each other,
During one another’s work shift,

Waking up everyday, to the sound of music,
Rest in Peace, oh Lord, let me shine or die,
Attempt greatness, or death, art via suicide,