Faith · Heroic · Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Love · Personal Battles · Religious · Unique · Youth

The Trevor Project

As Autumn trees shed tears, so do lovers who are denied the choice to love,
As midnight stars Shine, so do lover’s minds who rest on another lover’s chest,

Parents confused after walking in on their closeted daughter,
Didn’t understand where they went wrong;
Had dreams of Aisha marrying a doctor,

No effort put forth trying to understand Aisha’s feelings,
Instead mere judgement, excuses used such as Somali Culture,
Ignorance teaches society that women must be attracted to men,

All she dreamed of being was happy; found herself smiling from east to west,
While she walked side-by-side with her secret lover Fadumo,
Both of them hiding their identity from family,

As Autumn trees shed tears, so do lovers who are denied the choice to love,
As midnight stars Shine, so do lovers minds who rest on another lover’s chest,

All Marcus wanted, was to follow in the footsteps of Aisha,
They had met, become friends, after introductions at a Queer Meeting,
He absorbed her strength, didn’t care how his parents would react,

It was a Thursday night, ladies night downtown, everybody was out,
Across the room, leaned against a wall was Jacob,
Only eye contact was required, a slight nod, and they entered the bathroom,

Without noticing who was in the stall next to them, somebody took a picture,
Posted it on Facebook, Marcus had no idea, his father on the other-hand,
Was forwarded the picture by another child’s father,

As Autumn trees shed tears, so do lovers who are denied the choice to love,
As midnight stars Shine, so do lovers minds who rest on another lover’s chest,

Both Aisha and Marcus were ill-prepared for what was to come,
Aisha’s parents tried to place her in the mental ward of a Children’s Hospital,
Fortunately she was able to sneak out of her bedroom window the night before,

Marcus, he wasn’t as lucky, when he came home from drinking downtown,
His alcoholic father accidentally beat him into cardiac arrest,
As of now, Marcus lays conscienceless in a hospital bed,

Whether we are talking about Aisha or Marcus, both scenarios are frightening,
Imagine what it would be like if one of them was Transgender,
Maybe both of them would be sharing Marcus’s fate,

As Autumn trees shed tears, so do lovers who are denied the choice to love,
As midnight stars Shine, so do lovers minds who rest on another lover’s chest,

Faith · Heroic · Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Love · Personal Battles · Religious · Unique · Youth

Ignoring Crying Winds (Indonesian + English)

In the beginning, Mother Nature cried,
Her children ignored [every] sign,
She felt no guilt,

cemara menderai sampai jauh
terasa hari akan jadi malam
ada beberapa dahan di tingkap merapuh
dipukul angin yang terpendam

Why did the Pine Trees whistle?
How come both the day and the night wished vengeance?
Even the winds wished us harm…

hidup hanya menunda kekalahan
tambah terasing dari cinta sekolah rendah
dan tahu, ada yang tetap tidak terucapkan
sebelum pada akhirnya kita menyerah

Instead of creation becoming the One to Fear,
Mother Nature has chosen to violently rape the earth,
Waiting for us to surrender,
Until that day comes; Her children will continue to suffer,

aku sekarang orangnya bisa tahan
sudah berapa waktu bukan kanak lagi
tapi dulu memang ada suatu bahan
yang bukan dasar perhitungan kini

Mark today, as the day, I can no longer cry,
When natural disasters crumble cities,
For the winds, the skies, and the seas,
Cried out loud; Her children were the original monsters,

Faith · Heroic · Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Love · Personal Battles · Religious · Unique · Youth

Mental [i]llness: A Serious Condition

In the beginning, I believed I was alone,
Which is why I kept my emotions and feelings bottled up,
It won’t take long for stress to cause a meltdown,
My hope is that this poem educates the masses,
Extends a hand, a ear, a caring heart,

If I am honest, everyday is a struggle,
My bones tighten; My mind tries to escape from reality,
Every morning feeling my body, in case I am dreaming,
Voices from the night before continue to pester,

It was a fear of mine; my Mother’s schizophrenic episodes,
Were transferable, every night she watched from the living room window,
[She] believed Child Services were coming for her children,
Afraid of elevators, always kept her back against [the] wall,

P-T-S-D: a misunderstood mental illness,
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,
A distinct smell, a single touch, a noise,
Can send someone into a fight or flight response,

None of this is a game, or something religious books can heal,
They require constant therapy, sometimes medication,
Patience, compassion, and sincerity from family members,
Loved ones, friends, and surrounding community members,

It could be sunny, 90 degrees, no homework,
Day off from work, and an individual suffering from Chronic Depression,
P-T-S-D, or any mental illness,
Could have the worst possible day,

When I say it is hard to get out of bed, I mean it,
Thoughts of [would it be better to end everything] constantly ring,
Not a joke, nor to seek attention,
Instead, thoughts produced from pain and agony suffered,

Individuals suffering from mental illness,
Cannot just get over it, nor is it something that goes away by itself,
Mental Illness is like that annoying friend who never leaves your side,
Constantly walking side by side with the sufferer,

Small exchanges can cause a breakdown, receiving a bad grade,
A joke meant to be funny, but taken seriously,
Having to walk past the parking spot where [the] sexual assault occurred,
Mere name calling, or loud exchanges between a husband and a wife,

What occurs in someone’s mind when they suffer from a mental illness?
It can’t be described but I will try,
Imagine reliving the worst experience, a repetitive nightmare,
Occurring over and over but instead of it being a dream; it is real,

Mental illness causes an individual’s mind to protect the owner,
From everything; including those he or she loves,
Those who truly want to support others who suffer from [a] mental illness,
Do not judge, nor assume, whatever occurs ask questions when the storm calms,

Even though this poem is for others, it is also a reminder for myself,
As someone who has tried several medications as a way of escaping horror,
Addicted to music, always on full blast, so that images of drones and wedding caravans,
Do not consume my imagination, we must support one another, without judging each other,

Faith · Heroic · Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Love · Personal Battles · Religious · Unique · Youth

Eulogy of 3

My Eulogy would go something like this…

Dear Mom and Dad, I know I fucked up,
Way too much, lost [all] Your Trust,
Delivered calamity after calamity,
Tried to commit suicide; luckily failed,
Couldn’t find the right vein,

Dear Wife, I know I fucked up,
Way too much, lost [all] Your Trust,
When I die, grant me one wish,
Marry again; find a man who loves you 10 fold,
One that helps you bare children,

Dear God, I know I fucked up,
Way too much, lost [all] Your Trust,
Happiest day of life,
When I shook hands with my uncle-in-law,
Sat next to my wife feeding the poor,

Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Love · Personal Battles · Unique

Mistress Cardi B

You got me feeling love tonight,
You got me feeling love this morning,

I can’t stop thinking about you…

Last night was once in a lifetime,
From head to toe, you were my California Gold Rush,
Perfect imperfections, sexy and seductive,
Lightweight material covering brown smooth skin,
Every time I caught a glimpse of you,
All I could think about was pleasing your body,
2 inch high heels, red form-fitting dress,
Highlighting Queen-like hips, cleavage hidden,

I wasn’t trying to stare but it was too hard to look away,
Caught you bending over, imagined kissing you; from your neck,
Down your spine, eating your booty if you commanded it,
Dreamed of you teasing, grinding on my Gucci belt,
Holding hands, backing it up, all I wanted to was lift you up,
Kneel between your thighs, slowly caress your inner thighs,
Place my lips on your Victoria Secret,

You got me feeling love tonight,
You got me feeling love this morning,

I can’t stop thinking about you…

It didn’t take long for you to take charge,
Sat on my lap, started grinding, removed your shirt, whispered ‘lick then suck’,
No bra, thought it was strange, you visited me after midnight,
Carrying food and tea, underneath it all, you just wanted to fuck,
Unzipped my pants, used your head-wrap as bondage for my hands,
Removed my boxers, started teasing, felt your wet red lipstick,
Told me to take notes, it was the longest two minutes of my life,
Throat performed tricks, tongue performed magic,
Instead of your eyes performing back-flips, mine started rolling,

You got me feeling love tonight,
You got me feeling love this morning,

I can’t stop thinking about you…

Lifted your dress, 2 fingers, started fingering yourself,
Jumped down from your desk, positioned yourself on top of me,
Heels touched the floor, hands holding onto the back of your office chair,
Picked up speed, biting my neck, more bruises,
My body clenched, legs twitched, the ‘V’ shape on your lower back danced,
Whispered, ‘I am not done yet’, kept riding as I exploded,
After you were finished, you didn’t let me out of bondage,
Told me I had to suffer, recorded a short video,
Now, you are my bitch. FYI, I am not on the pill.’

You got me feeling love tonight,
You got me feeling love this morning,

I can’t stop thinking about you…

Faith · Heroic · Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Love · Personal Battles · Religious · Unique · Youth

Dancing For Currency Instead [of] Praying For Love

We could be reminded by God in the most blatant way possible; and still we would worship money [instead of love]…

Our eyes hypnotized by Fire,
Our minds seduced by Gucci,
Our hearts brainwashed by Monetary [Gain],

[As] the wealthy sit upon make-shift thrones,
Throwing bones, mere left-overs,
House-slaves start to love their masters,
While field-slaves plan a revolution,

Systematically erased from history,
Simple strategy; police raid followed by murder,

Demonizing roots and melanin skin,
Promoting bleach and pale skin,

Define freedom [as] admiring plastic sculptures,
Facial transformation, body reconstructive surgery,
Anorexic [angels], inflated egos, dream of Silicon,

[As] one walks through the Valley of Death,
One cannot pass judgement; only gentle reminders,

Love [was] replaced by Currency; human nature smiled,
Social media personalities, actors, musicians,
Donate millions after environmental disasters,
[For] approval ratings, television ratings,

[Even] the world started dancing [for] Money,
Breast implants, butt lifts, cheek bones,
Cosmopolitan, Seventeen, Maxim,

Faith · Heroic · Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Love · Personal Battles · Religious · Unique · Youth

Closet Affair

I don’t want you to jump,
Nor do I want you to cry,
Believe me when I tell you,
My Heart, My Body, My Soul,
Questions whether to leap,
Would anybody miss us,

Religion glorifies ignorance,
Calling it a lifestyle, a choice,
Preachers label the act,
An abomination, Sodom and Gomorrah,
Truthfully, the act of hiding,
Concealing one’s natural preference,
Requires energy, time, and strength,

26 years, without hesitation,
Never faked a feeling, or emotion,
No matter who I found attractive,
Attended Pride, kissed a man,
Gay 90’s, Minneapolis,

Find [both] men and women attractive,
Enjoy tossing salad as well as stroking wood,
My life would be in danger if truth escaped,
Qur’an calls for apostates to be killed,

I don’t want you to jump,
Nor do I want you to cry,
Believe me when I tell you,
My Heart, My Body, My Soul,
Questions whether to leap,
Would anybody miss us,

Past homosexual escapades,
Wouldn’t matter whether feelings were true,
Sincere or real, instead, my bi-sexuality,
Would cast doubt upon my marriage,

Humanity stripped,
Physical pain, mental exhaustion,
[The] B in L-G-B-T misunderstood,
Animal, liar, fraud,

Men and women,
Exploration [High School],
Father forgets to knock,
Witnesses his son or daughter,
Sleeping with their class-mate,

[of minority descent]

I don’t want you to jump,
Nor do I want you to cry,
Believe me when I tell you,
My Heart, My Body, My Soul,
Questions whether to leap,
Would anybody miss us,

Pain, terror, nightmares,
Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, Transgender,
No one enjoys, asks to be, wishes to be raped,
No means No, if someone doesn’t answer,
It means No, fight or flight,

[My] heart races when I walk [alone] at night,
Parking lots frighten me, my worry, HE returns,
Sexual Assault in a Mosque parking lot,

What you feel is real, YOU MATTER,
Don’t allow hatred to stop you from receiving help,
Seek happiness, or at least a friend,
[A] lover, the bridge you stand upon,
Sketches names, forgets faces,
Hold my hand, squeeze it,

In the end, this letter,
Is more than a redemption letter,
It is a love letter, a pen pal letter,
Romantic love affair letter, healing letter,
Burn the letter, a sacred letter,