Faith · Heroic · Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Love · Personal Battles · Religious · Unique · Youth

Dear Wife (My Indonesian Aisha)

If I were to speak honestly, it would be that marriage isn’t easy. Society glorifies it to be all love and romance but the truth is that it is about patience, making mistakes, and loving each other’s faults. Allah (s.w.t) reminds us in Qur’an that marriage is a fundamental part of our religion, our faith, our way of life.

And among His signs, is that He created you from mates from among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquility with them and he has put love and mercy between you hearts; verily in that are signs for those who reflect} (Quran, Surat Al Rum, 21)

Even though we argue, see things differently due to cultural differences and a language barrier. I love you! So much so, while you are at work I think of you constantly. Imagining what you are doing and wishing time would speed up so that I can pick you from work. If I had to compare you to anyone that lived before. It would be Aisha (ra). Indeed, you are my Aisha. When we married, I completed my Deen (faith).

Yes, our life isn’t perfect. But, I would never trade in for another. My hope is that whenever one of your friends brings up another man, their own husband, or crush. You respond in the same way Aisha (ra) did to Prophet Muhammad’s (pbuh) question.

This particular hadith encompasses 11 women describing their husbands. The last woman talks about her husband Abu Zar who helped her escape a life of poverty. He treated her like a queen and made her very happy. However, he ended up divorcing her. The woman married again but stated the greatest thing her new husband has done for her doesn’t fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar.

The Prophet ﷺ was listening to Aishah’s (ra) stories and at the end said, “I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife. But he divorced her and I would never divorce you.”

“No, you are greater than Abu Zar,” replied Aisha (RA).

This is the kind of love I dream of us having. No marriage comes without arguments. Yet, I always know when you are angry. Indonesian culture teaches the same thing Islam does, which is to conceal anger and be polite. As this is a trait of a good Muslim. Would you like to know how I can tell when you are mad at me? Whenever you are angry you swear by the Lord of Abraham. And whenever you are happy, you say ‘I swear by the Lord of Mohammed’.

No matter how may times we fight, argue, or swear at each other. Love prevails! The fact is we would give each other our own hearts and lungs if the other needed them. We would jump in front of a bullet to save each other. These acts will always accomplish what anger can’t.

Just as Aisha (ra) and Prophet ﷺ would eat, we try to do the same. When we are eating chicken, you take a bite and then hand it to me. After I take a bite, I give it back to you. Same thing whenever we drink from a glass.

Just as Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is buried in Masjid Anabawi in Madinah. A place he called home. I wish for us to do the same. Aisha (ra) dreamt three moons descended into her home. They were Prophet Muhammad, Abu Bakr, and Umar Ibn Al Khattab. All three men were buried next to each other. When I die, bury me next to your Father, Om Pit, and your Brother. I wish to be forever close to you in this world and the hereafter.

These are just a few reasons why I love you! You are my Aisha (ra). My Indonesian Aisha!

Faith · Heroic · Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Love · Personal Battles · Religious · Unique · Youth

Lord Give Me Strength

Respect is my Strength,
Lord help me stay Straight,
Everyday is Scared Straight,
Give me Guidance and Strength,

No matter the time,
How high the sun rises,
Enemies flank from all sides,
Fatherless once now he’s returned,
Mother drugged hit point of no return,
Left when the eviction notice was served,
When luck shows up everyone expects handouts,

Separating nightmares from work,
Keeping family close within arm’s length,
Privacy keeps contacts saved under fake names,
Alcohol Anonymous isn’t a mystery since you asked,
Been sober from poison since the last hospitalization,
Trying to hide hands that touched me in April from others,
Communicating with my sexual assault advocate on a daily basis,

Respect is my Strength,
Lord help me stay Straight,
Everyday is Scared Straight,
Give me Guidance and Strength,

Calling me a cheat without understanding,
Only thing I ever cheated on was a Math Test,
Haven’t fucked any other woman besides my Queen,
Conscience asked forgiveness from those I wronged,
Raised by my sister scared of men because of my father,
Majority of rapists are men would rather talk to sisters,

Getting up in the morning is a struggle,
Asking myself if it is worth being scared of shadows,
Afraid of being trapped in an elevator with a stranger,
Smell of Hennessy drives me crazy asking if I want a drink,
Asking the Lord for strength to say no carrying on with my day,
Never have I walked without falling but never have I stayed down,

Respect is my Strength,
Lord help me stay Straight,
Everyday is Scared Straight,
Give me Guidance and Strength,

Faith · Heroic · Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Religious · Unique · Youth

Never Bow

Momma’ raised me to never bow,
At the feet of imperfect people,
All dead and living Presidents,
Kardashians, Pop Icons, and Celebrities,
Fuck all of you and the clique you claim,

Never will you catch me,
Worshiping paper or the military,
Millionaires pretending to be billionaires,
Beyoncé, Kim, or Genocidal Presidents,

Only a fool would bow before imperfections,
Performing silicon surgeries seeking enhancements,
Busy praising chemical warfare of the body,
Chernobyl resides in Hollywood,

Momma’ taught me no matter the title,
Age or income bracket,
Treat everybody the same,
Bow your head, tip your hat,
Wipe with your left hand,

Momma’ raised me to never bow,
At the feet of imperfect people,
All dead and living Presidents,
Kardashians, Pop Icons, and Celebrities,
Fuck all of you and the clique you claim,

High horses hate honesty,
Caitlyn Jenner doesn’t deserve woman of the year,
Minority women discovering new chemical compounds,
Advancing nuclear science surrounded by men,
What has Caitlyn achieved besides a successful surgery?

Doesn’t matter how many zeros,
Boats or square feet,
Buying out establishments,
Short term happiness can’t compare or compete,
Worried about re-tweets when you should be worried about death,

Expecting flashes and attention,
How many years does make-up hide,
For every thousand you spend on non-essentials,
How many homeless could you feed and house,
We are waiting?

Momma’ raised me to never bow,
At the feet of imperfect people,
All dead and living Presidents,
Kardashians, Pop Icons, and Celebrities,
Fuck all of you and the clique you claim,

Faith · Heroic · Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Love · Personal Battles · Religious · Unique · Youth

Times Don’t Change But Trust Does

Time and time again,
After sharing memories,
Finding texts from his side-piece,
Can’t escape white knuckles,
Fists and broken bottles,
Was told if you run,
Distance would not protect you,

Children scared,
Tired of living out of motel rooms,
Eating fast food,
Public school authorities visit,
Abusive drunk tells them,
Children kidnapped,
By mother,

Raising two teenagers,
One new-born baby,
Work triple shifts,
Midnight till five,
Collecting dollar bills,
During the afternoon,
Serve cocktail drinks,
In the evening,
Busing tables,

When you get home,
Prepare lunches,
Kiss every child,
Tuck them in,
Before crying,

Told him no,
High school prom date,
Went for it,
Called his friends,
Recorded everything,
Senior year of high school,
Debated whether,
Suicide was the answer,

Trust few,
Cautious of most,
Every touch revisits the past,
When future knocks,
Sounds distant,
Next habitable planet,
All you can do,
Fight and kick,

Nobody is safe,
Unless you are White,
Christian or middle class,
Jewish, maybe stingy,
Terrible if you are gay,
Black or Muslim,
Resemble a Mexican,
Good luck finding a job,
Enjoy getting paid,
Based on gender and race,

Socio-economics not enough,
Face to face with a Glock,
Silver badge steps out of a car,
Don’t need to call SWAT,
Black people carry weapons,
No proof or justification,
Child holding a BB Gun,
Bang, Bang, Bang,

Faith · Heroic · Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Love · Personal Battles · Religious · Unique · Youth

Stretch Marks, Waist Lines, Babies, and Cake (Love Em’)

Stretch marks are eye-candy, if he doesn’t kiss them,
Leave him, find a man willing to appreciate them,
Scars defy Vanity, promise to worship them,

Rib-cages with love handles, wide hips make sex faces,
If your weight class, has men running, smoking skinny trees,
Call me, break bed frames, love you when you love yourself,

Skinny bitches wear bikinis, sticks and stones break bones,
Love a woman who eats cake, even when it isn’t my birthday,
Not afraid of calories, cheek bones play hide and cheek,
When you walk across Dubai sands, ass cheeks clap back,
Pregnancy scars, across thick thighs, along waist lines,
Don’t hide stretch marks, they are God’s signature tattoo,

Dark ages, slay medieval dragons, real life you kill models,
Air brush, fake tans, lights, camera, no action,
Real life, play games, whip cream, Judge Judy,
Memorized screenplays, read stage-plays, asked what’s my name,
Wrong answer, face-sitting, can’t breathe, ate booty like groceries,
Tidal waves, heat exhaustion, hurricane, kept riding,

Stretch marks are eye-candy, if he doesn’t kiss them,
Leave him, find a man willing to appreciate them,
Scars defy Vanity, promise to worship them,

Rib-cages with love handles, wide hips make sex faces,
If your weight class, has men running, smoking skinny trees,
Call me, break bed frames, love you when you love yourself,

Personality wider than a plasma 70 inch, tip of the iceberg,
Southern living, fried chicken, baking biscuits, serving lemonade,
Not afraid to say something, always the one to throw the knock-out,
Always asks to stay out after dark, driving with no headlights,
Trespassing on Klansman land, brought spray paint, creativity,
White men don’t own land, painted a Black Fist on the barn door,

Idols, Egypt, Queen Cleopatra ancestor, genetics, flawless,
Afro, Angela Davis poetry, proud to be Black, gold laced melanin,
Nooses don’t scare you, Malcolm your father, X replaced your slave name,
Replaced make-up with a rifle, white sheets afraid to knock,
Most dance to pay for college, you learned how to thank God,
Shake hips, rotate the earth, heritage, ancestors beat drums,

Stretch marks are eye-candy, if he doesn’t kiss them,
Leave him, find a man willing to appreciate them,
Scars defy Vanity, promise to worship them,

Rib-cages with love handles, wide hips make sex faces,
If your weight class, has men running, smoking skinny trees,
Call me, break bed frames, love you when you love yourself,

Anorexic angels, Victoria Secret, exploiting cultural traditions,
Corsets, tight dresses, can’t breathe, not Black, White skeletons,
Don’t be afraid to wear waist hugging jeans, V shape on your lower back,
Trace your spinal cord indent with my tongue from your neck to your back,
Kiss the back of your neck, ask for the check, drop my fork eating sweet cake,
Hear an earthquake, Thor’s hammer, wet floor, find your G-Spot,

Every day we celebrate, can’t find the right bra size, or panties to fit,
Wear one of my dress shirts when we go out, steal one of my sweatpants,
Eat in the back seat, ask for dessert, roll the windows down,
Shooting star, make a wish, taco truck selling on the beach,
Double order in front of a dieting skinny tree,
Watch their mouth savor, pet a conditioned dog,

Stretch marks are eye-candy, if he doesn’t kiss them,
Leave him, find a man willing to appreciate them,
Scars defy Vanity, promise to worship them,

Rib-cages with love handles, wide hips make sex faces,
If your weight class, has men running, smoking skinny trees,
Call me, break bed frames, love you when you love yourself,

Faith · Heroic · Hip Hop Influenced · Life · Love · Personal Battles · Religious · Unique · Youth

Failure By Your Imam

Truth is, I am weak,
Every struggle causes me to bleed,
Without you,
Nothing would be possible,
My accomplishments,
Successes and failures,
Would be for nothing,

All my weaknesses,
Counting how many times,
I raised my voice,
Shouted and cursed,
Called you names out of anger,

Truth is, I don’t deserve you,
My emotions,
Behavior and attitude,
I am imperfect,
Number of faults,
Could fill multiple encyclopedias,
Yet, you still stand beside me,

Why?
I don’t treat you,
In the same manner,
Movies depict romance,
When we disagree,
My ego takes hold,
Tries to win,
Even though, we promised,
To listen, love, and forgive,

Truth is, you stay,
While other men,
Have more zeros in the bank,
Could take you out every night,
Buy diamonds every day,
What can I do?
Pay 10 dollars a month for Netflix,

Sure, we make funny faces together,
Chase one another,
Once in awhile compete in a foot race,
Hide in each other’s arms,
5 dollar Tuesdays and Thursdays,
Attending the cinema,
Without thinking about tomorrow,

Truth is, without you,
I’m a depressed man,
Would have kicked the bucket,
A long time ago,
You gave me a reason to work,
Not give up,

If I was blind,
Would have described you,
As an angel,
Whenever I need comfort,
You read my mind,
Embracing me without asking what happened,
Not letting go until I feel better,

Truth is, I am weak,
All the pain, nightmares, and tragedy,
You are the only light in my life,
When darkness presents itself,
No matter how many hoes,
Muslim side-chick hijabi hypocrites,
Walk my way,
I promise, to fulfill my vows,
As your husband, lover, and friend,

Cover from head to toe,
Not allowing others to imagine your curves,
Promising me I am the only one,
Scars and stretch marks,
Sharing memories of your mother,
After she became a widow,