Idolizing Suicide

It is unhealthy,
To idolize suicide,
But I can’t get it out of my mind,
Everyday is another day,
To imagine my last moments,
How? Why? Where? When?
Should I jump in front of a moving car,
Leap off the 22nd floor of my apartment,

It is wrong,
To think this way,
But I can’t stop thinking this way,
It is obsessive,
A compulsion,
To imagine hanging myself,
Would my weight impact the placement of the chair,
Or should I find someone with a revolver,
Death by cop sounds bullet proof,

It shouldn’t be,
My imagination,
But suicide is all that I have left,
A way out,
An escape,
From all this pain, sadness, and grief,
Wishing for it all to wash away,
As quickly as it had appeared,

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