If a simpleton asked me, I would describe her as the moment falling leaves give up their struggle and invite orange, yellow, and/or brown colors into their lives.

If a simpleton asked me, I would describe her as Jesus lying about grabbing Mary Magdalene around the hips and performing a miracle with his lips on her lips.

Preacher: How dare you invoke Jesus’s name.
Me: Wait, let me explain. She’s Asian and went under the knife. Now she’s got a Johnson like you.
Preacher: I call on Jesus’s name. He’s an Abomination!

…

I’m kidding, she’s not a Tranny, nor is anything wrong with being one. (Peace and love to my Thailand fam’)
But the girl I am talking about, in simpleton terms,
She breaks all shapes, sizes, and stereotypes,

If she wore a g-string,
I am afraid it wouldn’t even cover 1/10th of her hairline, weave, or eye-lash addiction,

In other words,
Natural, Exotic, an Island Girl, with Brown Sugar flowing through her veins,

….

If a simpleton asked me, I would describe her as Medusa’s better looking cousin,
Only difference everyone knows she loves fried chicken, kool-aid, and Hennessy,

If a simpleton asked me, I would describe her as a life support vest stranded in the ocean,
2 inflatable watermelons floating down river, if piranhas get to close,
She’ll cut them into pieces as if they were side bitches trying to seduce her man,

…

Preacher: You need healing. You need scripture son!
Me: In my defense, I need some of that sexual healing. But not the alter boy kind!

(Laughing so hard, I am crying)

Honestly though, I picture her as a bad ass kung fu geisha in an old school Chinese martial arts movie,
Only difference, I am dreaming and she’s got an fat ass following her,

So if a simpleton asked me…

Preacher: Not this again…

Me: Ok. So in conclusion, she’s my Asian, wide eyed wife, who cooks good, smells good, speaks 4 languages good (OMG, it is well not ‘good’), gives head good (OMG, improper grammar and structure), and plays wife good (OMG, I am done).