Day In The Life of A Schizophrenic

This piece is intended to promote awareness of Schizophrenia. It is a serious mental illness which inflicts catastrophic mental, emotional, and physical pain. If you know someone who may be suffering from Schizophrenia do not treat them as if they are ‘crazy’. Worldwide about 1 percent of the population is diagnosed with schizophrenia, and approximately 1.2% Americans, which means 3.2 Million Americans suffer from Schizophrenia.

(Fiction based as well inspired by several people I know who suffer from Schizophrenia)

I can’t tell you when it started.
Only that I remember being surrounded,
By pitch black corners and dimly lit voices,
At first they were quiet, more like whispers,
Type of sound vibrations which crawl into your ear,
But don’t arouse the hairs within your ear drum,

Most of the time they are non-threatening,
More humorous than horror movie Kafkaesque,
Sometimes I confuse these voices with my own thoughts,
Standing in line waiting for coffee,
One of the voices start pestering,

[The] barista hates you,
Maybe they poisoned [your] drink
[You] can’t trust anyone,

Sitting in class trying to pay attention,
Teacher writes on the chalk board,
Instead of reading what the professor wrote,
My mind reads what the voices purposely misinterpreted,

[You] are a failure,
Kill yourself,
[You] don’t deserve to live,

Entire reason why I listen to music,
Increase the volume so my thoughts can’t be heard,
Numerous voices become angry; they don’t like being ignored,
Imagine living every day, walking every block,
Trying to concentrate on daily tasks,
While another conversation performs circus acts in your head,

I can’t tell you when it started,
Was it when my mother carried me for 9 months,
As her own life spiraled out of control,
Terrified of stairs and elevators,
Believed the U.S government was after her,
Talked to herself constantly,

When asked who she was talking to,
She explained, would you rather speak with imbeciles,
Or intellectual conspiracy theorists,
Who have dug sand dunes into your cranium,
Sometimes they speak kindly,
Other times they grab a bucket for you to kick,

To be honest, I never understood what this meant,
Until I turned 26,
If I had to pick an age when the voices in my head,
Became deadly it would be during this time,
Before they were hibernating,

Everything changed,
When my personal space was violated,
Sleeping voices became consistent,
When I was younger I heard them,
Never listened,
Refused to believe I was crazy,

Today, I can tell you,
They are loud and obnoxious,
Persistent and will kill me,
If I can’t keep them in check,
Find the right help or support,
They will take over the rest of my existence,
______________________________________________

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