How To Get A Girl To Like You

In response to Taz’s ‘How To Get A Guy To Like You’

Over-sexualized, masculine driven, sexist, anti-feminist,
Pornographic, capitalistic, animalistic reality,
Hollywood centered, round planet we call Earth,
Men and boys, sometimes men who are boys,
Have been led astray,

Take for example John.
Who walked up to a stranger,
Asked, are you religious?
You’re the answer to all my prayers.
9 out of 10 times he will be ignored,

Lets start at the beginning,
Media tycoons, make-up tutorials,
Victoria Secret and fashion shows,
Keeping Up With The Kardashians,
Video vixens and politicians,

Persuaded us waist lines and hips,
Bust size and cup size,
Cleavage and round ass,
Leave parties with 200 dollar hair cuts,
500 dollar suits, groomed facial hair,
CEO’s and hedge fund managers,

How about guys who are like me,
Extremely awkward video game nerds,
Who ask what music do you listen to,
She says Drake, so help me God,
Afterwords explaining, for 15 mins,
How Boys turn-in-2 Men,

Guys like me, if we walk up to a girl,
Maybe a girl strikes up a conversation,
Theories of Newton, PhD dreams,
She’ll ask what are you drinking,
We’ll respond Huey and Comic Books,

Problems arise when Pop Icons, the Emmys,
Gold Globes, and Entertainment Tonight airs,
Picture perfect style, 1000 dollar dresses,
High-heels and Madden shoes,

Only problem, guys like me,
Spill barbecue sauce on our shirt,
Wear mismatching socks with messy hair,
Have glasses but tonight tried contacts,
Perceive us to be winking at you,
Problem our lenses itch,

We try to walk over to you,
Shoe-laces catch fire and we trip,
Managing to skate across the floor,
After standing against the wall in a club,
Without knowing it is perceived as creepy,

Guy: Hi (scared)
Girl: Hi (sarcastically)
Guy: You look pretty (trying to compliment)
Girl: Thanks (please leave)
Guy: Question (please God don’t be weird)
Girl: Only if you leave me alone (please God)
Guy: Who do you think would win in a fight. Wolverine or Deadpool? (please say Deadpool)
Girl: Get away from me. Creep! (was he hitting on me)

Don’t you see the problem,
Disillusioned Barbie fixation,
Most interesting man in the world,
Box office winners, false advertisement,
Axe ads and Amber Rose Instagram pics,

Only way to fix this,
Would be to find someone who is equally weird,
Not a douchebag, sense the digital age isn’t changing,
Some attractive people aren’t douchebags,
They are just really hard find,

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