Marriage In Islam: Advice To Those Questioning

Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

May peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be with you

Bismillahhir rahmanir rahim

بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم

In the name of Allah, the beneficient, the merciful.

اَهْلاًوَسَهْلاً (ahlan wa sahlan)

We start first, noting that not all people are the same when it comes to marriage. The basic principle of marriage which was prescribed by Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), applies to all of humanity, but it is important to note that it is more important in the case of some people than others.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

In regard to marriage, people are of three types:

1

Some fear that they may fall into haraam things if they do not get married. Such a person has to get married, according to the majority of fuqaha’, because he has to keep himself chaste and protect himself against doing haraam things, and the way to do that is getting married.

2

For some it is mustahabb. This is the one who feels desire but there is no danger of his falling into haraam. It is better for him to get married than to devote himself to naafil acts of worship. This is the view of ashaab al-ra’y and it is the view of the Sahabah (may Allah be pleased with them and their deeds).

Ibn Mas’ood (ra) said: If I only had ten days to live and I knew that I would die at the end of them, and I had any desire to get married, I would get married, for fear of fitnah (temptation).

It was narrated that Sa’eed ibn Jubayr said: Ibn ‘Abbaas said to me: “Have you gotten married?”

I said: “No.”

He said: “Get married, for the best of this ummah are the ones with the most wives.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5069).

Ibraaheem ibn Maysarah said: Tawoos said to me: “Either get married, or I will say to you what ‘Umar said to Abu’l-Zawaa’id: Nothing is keeping you from getting married except impotence or immorality.”

3

Those who have no desire, either because they were not created with any desire, such as one who is impotent, or they had desire but it has disappeared due to old age, sickness and so on. There are two opinions:

* It is mustahabb to get married because of the general meaning of what we have discussed.

* Remaining single is better for him because he cannot achieve the purpose of marriage, and he would be preventing his wife from becoming chaste by marrying someone else. And he would be harming her by keeping her for himself, and he is exposing himself to obligations and duties that perhaps he cannot fulfill, and he is distracting himself from seeking knowledge and worship with something that is of no benefit to him.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The apparent meaning of the words of Ahmad is that there is no difference between the one who can afford it and the one who cannot. He said: a man should get married and if he can afford to spend he should spend, and if he cannot then he should be patient.

This applies to one who is able to get married. As for the one who cannot, Allah says:

“And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His Bounty”

[al-Noor 24:33].

Sections 1 – 3 taken from al-Mughni (9/341-344)

Reasons for not getting married stem from personal to pressure from society, including education. Often, Muslims believe that by not getting married they are drawing closer to Allah (s.w.t), some Muslims consider this an act of Ibaadah. If this is your reasoning, you are mistaken and may be sinning.

It was narrated that Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Three people came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asking about the worship of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).

When they were told, it was as if they regarded it as too little. They said: Who are we in comparison to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)? Allah has forgiven his past and future sins. One of them said: As for me, I will pray all night forever. Another said: I shall fast all my life and never break my fast. Another said: I shall keep away from women and never get married.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) came and said: “Are you the ones who said such and such? By Allaah, I am the one who fears Allah the most among you and I am the most pious, but I fast and I break my fast, I pray and I sleep, and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5063) and Muslim (1401)

Another reason many do not get married is because they may lack sexual desire, or think that they are unable to fulfill the duties of marriage. If this is the case, there is no sin on you if you don’t get married but do not rely on your thoughts and logic for Allah (s.w.t) is the best of planners.

Furthermore, if you are afraid of being poor and not having enough wealth to take care of family. Try your best to earn a living and be content with whatever possibilities Allah (s.w.t) has opened for you. Allah (s.w.t) promised He would help those who are chaste and seek what is halaal.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

“There are three whom Allah is bound to help: the mujaahid who strives (in jihad) for the sake of Allah, the mukaatib (a slave who has made a contract of manumission with his master) who wants to pay off his manumission, and a man who gets married, seeking to remain chaste.”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1655), classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi

If education is your reasoning for prolonging marriage, I ask, why are you ignoring marriage for that reason? Marriage has never been a barrier to achieving things, rather in most cases, support and help are the outcome. Such thoughts are from shaytaan, which has planted seeds in the minds of young people.

I heard many stories of marriage being delayed, and/or sometimes children. These actions affect society and we can see problems resulting from large numbers of single men and women. We have not seen any achievement, development, or progress, whereas the first generation of Muslims used to run to do good and they did not delay marriage, and their achievements were the greatest.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (20/421)

What is required is to hasten to get married, and no young man or young woman should delay marriage for the sake of studies, because marriage does not prevent any such thing. It is possible for a young man to get married in order to protect his religious commitment and morals, and enable him to lower his gaze. Marriage serves many purposes, especially in this day and age. Because delaying it is harmful for both young women and young men, every young man and every young woman should hasten to get married if there is a man who is compatible with the woman, and if a man can find the right woman.

How about if you realize that marriage will protect half of your religion?

It was narrated from Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

“Whomever Allah has blessed with a righteous wife, He has helped him with half of his religion, so let him fear Allah with regard to the other half.

Narrated by al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak (2/175), al-Tabarani in al-Awsat (1/294) and al-Bayhaqi in Shu’ab al-Emaan (4/382). Al-Hakim said: This is a hadeeth with a saheeh isnaad, although they (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) did not narrate it. Al-Dhahabi said in al-Talkhees: it is saheeh. It was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb (2/192)

In sha’ Allah, you have realized by getting married, you will have followed the advice of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) when he said, “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5065)and Muslim (1400)

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “I have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5096) and Muslim (2741)

Marriage is a source of peace and it is the best pleasure of this world. It is in marriage that Allah (s.w.t) made a sign for His slaves,

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”

[al-Room 30:21]

In sha’ Allah, you are not pondering the question of marriage any longer. Put your trust in Allah, and Allah will help you, and will provide you with a righteous wife or husband.

As always,

Allah knows best.

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