I was asked, ‘if you marry me, would you marry again?’,
Answering this question one embellishes those who don’t understand,
Instead of asking, ‘how many wives do you want?’,
I suppose we should ask the correct question,
When you ask, ‘can you support having another wife?’,
We should break your question into two halves,
One half that in which you don’t understand,
Second half that in which you accidentally ignore,
We all understand,
Husbands have to treat wives like queens,
We have to be able to support them,
Love them equally,
I am not here to discuss whether or not this is possible,
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) gave different fatwas to different people,
Each heart is different,
Each heart has different levels of how much they are able to love,
What are the questions we should be asking?
Lets start with three,
First we will skip do we have permission?
We all know the answer,
We all know the conditions,
Question two and three,
Why are these conditions not allowed to bloom,
Are we following all of Sunnah (ways of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh))?
I mean are brothers given a chance to marry a second?
In depth correlation is not understood,
An easier question,
In our day and age where wants develop faster over needs,
Are sisters following Sunnah in which it would give brothers a chance to marry?
Are we living a fairy-tale?
Are we forgetting what the difference is between wants verse needs?
Are we forgetting how much the Prophet (pbuh) asked for Maher?
Question two relies on the answer,
When a sister or her parents ask,
What do you have?
What can you give?
Questions rely on us asking honestly,
What do you want?
Do you want what Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) would ask for?
Do you want what Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) wouldn’t ask for?
This difference is where question two ponders,
Are we marrying based on our desires in which we purposely make it harder for others?
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.”
[Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan]
[Classed as Saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3300]
In addition Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).”
[Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi]
[classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3279]
Question two asks,
What is the affordable ‘mahr’?
When we sit and discuss with parents,
When you sit and discuss with your future wife,
They might say, ‘I want this’…
One or two cars,
Nothing is wrong with this,
But I ask,
Is this what you want or what Allah (s.w.t) and Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) instructed?
Are these wants or needs?
Don’t answer now,
Finish reading till the end,
When it states ‘the simplest’ what does this mean?
Is it for you or him?
Could it mean for both?
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to a man who wanted to get married:
“Look (for something to give as a dowry),
Even if it is a ring of iron.”
Narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas that ‘Ali (ra) said:
“I married Faatimah (may Allaah be pleased with her) and said:
‘O Messenger of Allaah, let me go ahead with the marriage.’
He said: ‘Give her something.’
I said: ‘I do not have anything.’
He said: ‘Where is your Hutami shield?’
I said, ‘I have it with me.’
He said, ‘Give it to her.’”
[Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani]
[in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i, 3160[
If we look at the wives of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh),
How Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) treated his companions,
How we treat our brothers,
How we treat our sisters,
If a brother told you,
If a brother told your family,
I cannot give money,
What I can give you is my heart,
Are you confused?
Ali (ra) gave his Hutami shield,
He was a warrior,
Shield resembled not wealth but Eman,
A sign that he would forever love Fatima (ra),
If a brother during our day tried this,
What would happen?
Ibn Maajah (1887) narrated that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (ra) said:
“Do not go to extremes with regard to the dowries of women,
For if that were a sign of honour and dignity in this world or a sign of piety before Allaah,
Then Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have done that before you.
But he did not give any of his wives,
And none of his daughters were given,
More than twelve uqiyah.
A man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against her and says,
‘You cost me everything I own,
And caused me a great deal of hardship’.”
[Classed as Saheeh by al-Albaani]
[in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 1532.]
Imagine spending thousands on a wedding,
Another thousand on interior decorating,
Anticipate Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) visiting your home,
Would Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) be pleased?
Anyone father who thinks of giving a mahr,
More than the daughters of the Messenger of Allah (pbuh),
What are you saying?
That your daughter or daughters are greater?
That your daughters were the best women?
In our day and age,
We should not be giving a mahr greater than he can afford,
And if so,
Fathers and daughters are committing wrong against sharia,
Sunnah and Allah (s.w.t),
If we get past yes it is permissible,
Get past yes we are not following Sunnah in regards of how much it costs,
What are we doing wrong?
This is where question three becomes vital,
Are we living simple according to Sunnah?
What does this mean?
Do you eat chicken, fish, or camel everyday?
How many times do you go shopping?
Do you fill your stomach?
Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported:
The family of Muhammad (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam),
Never ate to the fill the bread of barley for two successive days until he died.
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
Think of barley as high-priced chicken,
Can your family go without filling fully with chicken and rice?
This hadith shows us purity,
Contentment and simplicity of the Prophet (pbuh),
Not only did the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) save for years before his death,
Provisions were meant to go to his wives,
He would give this food to those in need leaving none for himself,
Which makes it absolutely true,
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) never filled his belly up for two consecutive days,
Sahl bin Sa`d (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) had never seen bread made out of fine flour throughout his life,
Since Allah commissioned him until his death.
He was asked, “Did you not have sieves at the time of the Messenger of Allah?”
He replied, “Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) never saw a sieve.’
He was asked, “How did you manage to eat barley bread made of unsieved flour?’
He said, ”We used to ground it and then blew away the husk,
And what remained we kneaded into dough.”
If we cannot follow that in which we fill our stomach,
We cannot follow that in which covers our bodies,
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
I saw seventy of the people of As-Suffah and none of them had a cloak.
They had either a lower cloth or a blanket which they suspended from their necks.
Some reached half way down to the legs and some to the ankles,
And one of them would manage to keep it in his hand to avoid exposing his private parts.
Question three does not have to do with does he have the money?
Because even if he does not have that in which you crave,
He has that in which Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) would have asked him to give,
Can you live simply?
Can you live without having an abundance of clothes at your disposal?
With all this said,
What does it mean?
We will have two sets of people,
Those who believe, fear, and love Allah (s.w.t),
His revelations, laws, and committment,
Those who follow all of Sunnah,
Those who make it so it is easy to follow all of Sunnah,
Next we will have those who make it difficult to follow Sunnah,
They will pick and choose what to follow,
They will make it hard for others to follow,
Umme Salamah (radi Allahu anha) narrates,
That she said to Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam):
“O Rasul Allah, are the women of this world superior or the hoors (of Paradise)?”
He (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) replied,
“The women of this world will have superiority over the hoors,
Just as the outer lining of a garment has superiority over the inner lining.”
Umme Salamah (radi Allahu anha) then asked,
“O Rasul Allah, what is the reason for this?”
He answered, “Because they performed salah, fasted, and worshipped [Allah].
Allah will put light on their faces and silk on their bodies.
[The human women] will be fair in complexion and will wear green clothing and yellow jewelry.
Their incense-burners will be made of pearls and their combs will be of gold.
They will say, ‘We are the women who will stay forever and we will never die.
We are the women who will always remain in comfort and we will never undergo difficulty.
We are the women who will stay and we will never leave.
Listen, we are happy women and we will never become sad.
Glad tidings to those men for whom we are and who are for us.’
Why do I bring this up?
If we pay attention,
It is because they performed salah, fasted, and worshipped Allah (s.w.t),
Did they worship some parts or all?
The believing women who make it easy for men to marry,
The believing women who make it easy to follow Sunnah,
The believing women are those who make it easy for husbands to do what is permissable,
We are not asking the right questions in regards to…
Will you marry a second?
How many do you want?
Rather the questions that should be asked are ignored,
Hidden between the lines,
Are you a believing Muslimah?
Are you making it easy for brothers to follow all parts of Sunnah?
Are we living simply?
Are we following our own desires or living by needs not wants?
These are the questions that should be asked…